The Future...?
Last night, when I got home from Rehearsal (10:30pm, an early night), one of my roommates started asking me when I what my plans were. Was I going back ‘Home’, was I getting an apartment with a friend?
Two thoughts came from this:
1) Have I worn out my welcome? I can’t be too much of burden, I’m never ever there. I’ve been having car issues and apparently the neighbors are complaining about my 2 ton paper weight sitting by the curb. Yes, it hasn’t moved in 2 weeks, but it’s only been 2 weeks! Give a guy a chance.
2) What are my long-term plans for my life? I had it all worked out (in a vague sort of way). I had plans. I had a future. It’s all gone now. I can no longer pretend that things are going to work out and all will be better. I need a new plan. I cannot picture how my life is supposed to be from now on. I’m fairly confident in my job, so I’m worried about that. The acting is going well. I’m in a great show right now and don’t see doing more good things as a problem (A staggering thought sometimes).
But, what about the rest of my life? Where will I live? And with whom? What am I going to do in 5 years? In 20? 50?
Last night I lay, sleepless, thinking about this. My life is not what I expected (Wah, Wah, I can hear you say). Before, that would not have bothered me. But, I HAD A PLAN! I had Long-term plans. A House. A Home. A Family. A Future. Now…
It’s all gone.
Obviously, it’s time to start rebuilding, but I don’t know how to do that for just me. Everything I did, everything I accomplished, everything I was, was for her. Now I am forced to look forward to…
What?
Myself?
I never even liked me. How am I going to live for me?
JHO
Two thoughts came from this:
1) Have I worn out my welcome? I can’t be too much of burden, I’m never ever there. I’ve been having car issues and apparently the neighbors are complaining about my 2 ton paper weight sitting by the curb. Yes, it hasn’t moved in 2 weeks, but it’s only been 2 weeks! Give a guy a chance.
2) What are my long-term plans for my life? I had it all worked out (in a vague sort of way). I had plans. I had a future. It’s all gone now. I can no longer pretend that things are going to work out and all will be better. I need a new plan. I cannot picture how my life is supposed to be from now on. I’m fairly confident in my job, so I’m worried about that. The acting is going well. I’m in a great show right now and don’t see doing more good things as a problem (A staggering thought sometimes).
But, what about the rest of my life? Where will I live? And with whom? What am I going to do in 5 years? In 20? 50?
Last night I lay, sleepless, thinking about this. My life is not what I expected (Wah, Wah, I can hear you say). Before, that would not have bothered me. But, I HAD A PLAN! I had Long-term plans. A House. A Home. A Family. A Future. Now…
It’s all gone.
Obviously, it’s time to start rebuilding, but I don’t know how to do that for just me. Everything I did, everything I accomplished, everything I was, was for her. Now I am forced to look forward to…
What?
Myself?
I never even liked me. How am I going to live for me?
JHO
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